Have you ever tried to have an honest conversation with someone—only to feel like they dodged, deflected, or spiritualized the issue?
Recently, I shared with someone that I felt they were controlling. I said, “It feels like it’s your way or no way.”
Their response? “That’s your perception. Maybe you should ask God whether that perception is true, and whether it’s current or something from the past.”
What do you even say to that?
I tried to offer a specific example that was recent, but they doubled down: “I’m not God. You can ask Him about defining the past.” And when I calmly responded again, they said, “I didn’t ask for a response.”
Let’s talk about what was really happening here—and how to deal with it.
1. When Truth Is Met With Spiritual Bypassing
Using God-talk to shut down difficult conversations is not new. It’s called spiritual bypassing—avoiding emotional responsibility or relational work by cloaking it in spirituality.
Saying things like “Ask God, not me” or “That’s just your perception” sounds holy, but it can be a way of avoiding accountability. It shifts the burden away from their behavior and onto your “spiritual discernment,” implying that your feelings are suspect or not worth engaging.
2. Why This Is Emotionally Unsafe
Here’s what this kind of exchange can do:
- Shuts down honest dialogue by making one person the sole carrier of “the problem.”
- Dismisses lived experience by calling it mere perception.
- Suggests that reflection is one-sided—you should pray, they shouldn’t consider their own behavior.
This is not what humility or spiritual maturity looks like. As believers, we’re called to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), not use spiritual language to silence others.
3. How to Respond Without Losing Yourself
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, here’s how to stay grounded:
- Stay clear. If you’ve already provided examples or spoken calmly, you don’t need to explain further just to be heard.
- Don’t get baited. They may try to turn the conversation into a critique of your delivery or “discernment.” Don’t take that detour.
- Set boundaries. If someone says, “I didn’t ask for a response,” that’s your cue to stop engaging. Respect the boundary they set—even if it’s manipulative—and protect your peace.
4. What Healthy Conversations Sound Like
Contrast that with someone who says:
“I didn’t realize I came across that way. Can you help me understand what I did?”
That’s emotional maturity. That’s humility. That’s what Philippians 2 is all about—considering others, not defending yourself at all costs.
5. Final Thoughts: Be Discerning, Not Defensive
Yes, it’s important to ask God to search our hearts (Psalm 139:23–24). But that doesn’t mean we ignore what people are actually saying. Sometimes, people are the mirror God uses to show us ourselves.
And sometimes… people avoid the mirror because they’re not ready to see what’s there.
Don’t let someone else’s discomfort with accountability turn your honesty into the problem. Speak your truth with grace—and if they won’t hold space for it, it’s okay to step back.
You can be godly, kind, and still have boundaries.
You can be spiritually grounded and emotionally clear.
You can walk in love and walk away when necessary.
Because love tells the truth. And truth, even when uncomfortable, makes us free (John 8:32).